Day Forty

Today isn't about loving a boyfriend or girlfriend or friend or family member. It's about self-love, or rather, when self-love is a little bit lacking.

This morning, I watched an episode of MTV's True Life about women with body dysmorphia, a condition that causes them to obsess over their physical features, not in a narcissistic way, but in a way that makes them hate themselves. If you want to watch the full episode, click here.

These are the two girls featured in the episode:

















They are beautiful girls! It's not as if these girls aren't "classically beautiful" - even by society's standard of beauty, they're still attractive.  At first, it seemed as if they were fishing for compliments, as I've seen many "unattractive" girls do, but the more I watched the show, the more I came to realize that they genuinely believe that there is something wrong with them. (Still, the repetitiveness of "I'm so ugly" seemed a little bit for the cameras, even if the feeling was genuine.)

The problem I have with this episode isn't necessarily with the girls themselves for having a low self esteem. Everyone has body issues from time to time and everyone has things about themselves that they  aren't 100% happy with. Body dysmorphia is in the same category with anorexia and bulimia - it's a disorder that alters the person's sense of what they actually look like. I don't fault them for that. What I do have a problem with, however, is how the girls handle their disorder and how the show portrays the issue.

Towards the beginning of the show, Pamela explains that the dot on her head is actually a "distraction" - she puts it there so people who look at her are focused on the dot and not her face, hair or makeup. Pamela also developed a shopping habit as another distraction, so that people focus on her clothes instead of her face.

Now, Pamela has been seeing a psychiatrist for years, but instead of real therapy, she's taking pills that are obviously useless, since she still hasn't recovered from the disorder. However, instead of getting real therapy like her family wants, she wants a nose job.

Mandie is a lingerie model, which you would think would be the last job someone with body issues would have, but she does that so people focus on her body instead of her face. She's obsessed with make-up and wants a boob job so that people look at her body instead of her face.

Oh, and by the way, she wants the plastic surgery so that she feels confident on her wedding day. Yes, she's engaged, and her husband-to-be is really supportive and thinks she's beautiful the way she is. He even says, "No, you're not ugly, you're pretty. I don't think getting plastic surgery is going to make you any happier."  She worries that he's going to leave her for someone prettier, but honestly, the reason I think he'd leave her is because she's so down on herself and refuses to listen or do anything about it besides surgery. Her being engaged makes her getting a boob job even more wrong to me - I don't know about her, but if I was married, I wouldn't purposely draw other people's attention to my boobs. Just saying.

Hold on though. Maybe things will turn around and these stories will be inspiring stories of people who overcame their body issues through their own will power without the need for plastic surgery.

Nope. They BOTH get plastic surgery.

There are so many other people with similar disorders who overcome body issue WITHOUT getting plastic surgery. Wouldn't you think those girls would be better role models than these two? I understand that this show is for entertainment, and that the show isn't specifically endorsing plastic surgery, but there are younger girls who watch this show. If you want to cover the issue of body disorders and you know that your show has the power to influence people, shouldn't you pick the strongest role models you can find?

Now, I'm not saying these women aren't strong - what they battle is extremely difficult - but what kind of message does it send to showcase people who only go to therapy after plastic surgery and botox don't work? Surgery, in my opinion, shouldn't even be an option, let alone the first option to try when dealing with a mental disorder.

Hope this scars you enough to not even consider it

Therapy as a potential cure isn't even addressed by either girl until halfway through the episode. In fact, Pamela even says, "I'm gonna get my nose and if I'm still miserable then I know I'm crazy in the head, that I need help like serious, like serious help." The fact that you're willing to mutilate your face to feel better about your self means that you're already at the point where you need help. When the plastic surgery ultimately failed to make Pamela feel good about herself, she went back to therapy, and I applauded her, until the show revealed she dropped out of therapy and never went back.

As for Mandie, she realizes that she has to move on with her life and goes to an audition for a real modeling job. You know that boob job she got to make herself better and more confident? It actually hurt her modeling career because high fashion designers have a harder time compensating for 32DD boobs. (For those of you (boys) who have no idea what 32DD means, it means she has a tiny torso with way too big boobs.) Despite the fact that she's following her dream of becoming a model for more than lingerie, she still has self esteem problems that are only going to be cured by therapy.

WHAT KIND OF ROLE MODELS ARE THESE GIRLS?

Sometimes, life sucks. There are going to be days when you're not going to feel attractive. There are going to be days when it seems like all you can do is mess up. There are going to be days when life feels like this:

But you can't let it get to you. Don't let one inner doubt or one bad thought drag you down, and if you get to the point where it's unbearable, GET REAL HELP. Instead of letting something bad ruin your day, draw some inspiration from one of the coolest people out there.