In many ways, a best friendship is just like a relationship - you spend a ton of your time together, there's a strong sense of loyalty and some jealously arises when other people come into the picture. Best friends know how long they've been best friends. There are even some, like my best friend and I, who can tell you exactly when they went from friends to best friends. You may not be able to name every friend you've ever had, but if someone asked you who your best friend freshman year of high school was, chances are you'd be able to tell them. Mine was a girl named Rachel.
The thing is though, Rachel and I aren't best friends anymore though. We're not even Facebook friends. We broke up. While her and I were best friends, she was dating Sam (yes, the same one that I'm dating now) and after they broke up, she told me to "pick a side." I realized we weren't really compatible as friends anymore and our views contrasted too much for us to remain friends. We disagreed on a lot of things. So, when she and Sam broke up, so did she and I.
What happened between Rachel and I is a perfect example of a "compatibility break up." People change. It was a year and a half from the time Rachel and I met until the time we stopped being friends. A lot can change in a year and a half, especially during high school. You could develop different interests, fall into different social groups, or, as in Rachel and I's case, discover different opinions on what's right and wrong.
If anything about you or him/her is a big enough issue to get in the way of your best friendship, it's time to call its quits because the issue is more about who you ARE, not what you do. I firmly believe you should never change who are for someone else and that includes your best friend.
I have a few friends now that I would consider my "best friends" that I've been extremely close with for years now. Normally, I think it's ridiculous to call more than one person your "best friend," but my relationship with each of them is so different and I'd be devastated if I lost any of them as friends. I have my roommate/partner in crime, the my friend that I also happen to be in love with, my "homie"/other partner in crime, and my "non-gay gay best friend" (sorry bud :P just the fact you know who I'm referring to means you know it's true).
The only close friend I've "broken up with" since Rachel will remained unnamed, even though most people who know me know exactly who I'm talking about. We'll call her Nicole for the purpose of this post. Coincidentally enough, Nicole and I also broke up because of a situation with Sam. I know she hates me and it's a tense situation right now, but that's not going to keep me from talking about her.
There are some break ups, whether they're romantic or between friends, that you can see coming for a long time before they actually happen. You start to get on each other's nerves more and more, then annoyance turns to anger, and soon you both flat out dislike each other. There are some break ups that destroy relationships in an explosion of furious insults and tears. There are some that end in relief, some in acceptance, some with an opportunity to make things better.
Then there are the break ups that happen abruptly and from that point on, there no remnants of a friendship left.
Those suck. There is no build up, no closure and no real hope of mending things. I haven't heard a thing from Nicole since the moment our friendship switch turned off last November. I've given up any and all efforts to fix our friendship and at least be on civil terms with each other, as she's made it clear that a renewed friendship isn't something she wants. As much as it sucks to lose a friend, my experience with Nicole has made me realize even the strongest friendships can fall apart, but that the friends worth fighting for are the ones who are willing to fight for you too.
I hate you for that.. but will always love you Gabby :)
ReplyDeleteI knew it was you (Austin) that she was writing about the second I read that! Made my night :)
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