Day 110

Today I watched a documentary for my Sexuality and Culture class called "Bro Code."

Here's the preview for the documentary, just so you have an idea what the film is about:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mKmn2OY7AMI

Sorry it wouldn't let me post the video for some reason.

I had to write a one-page response (it actually turned into 1 and a half) so I figured I'd share it with you guys.

Step 1: Train Men to Womanize

              While the idea that women are just around to provide pleasure to men seems widespread in our culture, I don’t think it’s a natural idea. Many of my guy friends are faced with the pressure from other guys to “score” as many women as they can and act like they think women are just playthings, but on an individual level, all they want is a good, respectable girlfriend. There are some outspoken guys who do want women just for what they can provide sexually, but I’ve also noticed a lot of guys who go along with the idea because they feel like they need to in order to be socially accepted. They’re afraid of looking for that good girl. I also think that women sexualizing themselves adds to the issue of womanizing. I live in the dorms and I see a lot of the girls dress in tiny skirts that barely cover anything and see-through, cleavage baring shirts because they want male attention and they think that’s what men want. Many of those girls could be the “good girls” that the regular guys want and are too afraid to search for; the sexualized girls are a lot easier to attain and are more socially accepted sexual partners in “bro” communities. The “bro culture” would be a lot less prevalent if men spoke up about what they really want in a woman. Then women wouldn’t feel the need to dress provocatively to receive male attention. It’s a cycle that needs to be broken somewhere for the issue of womanizing is going to be fixed.

Step 2: Immerse Men in Porn

             I don’t think the idea of porn itself is harmful – it’s the way people use and abuse porn that’s the issue. The documentary talked a lot about “rape” porn. As I’m writing this response, the song “S&M” by Rihanna is playing in the background. The book Fifty Shades of Grey is a novel about a woman’s transition from a virgin to a woman who enjoys being dominated by a man. Many women in real life express the desire to be dominated in bed. There is nothing wrong with this in itself, but there is a line between being the dominant sexual partner and rape, and I think porn has taken the liberty of crossing that line. Porn has a tendency to exaggerate things to their extremes, and female domination is no exception. The problem though, is that many men use porn as an education tool, and seeing women “enjoy” over-the-top domination situations, like the swirlies, combined with their knowledge that some women like to be dominated, is a dangerous combination. Just because a woman in a porn film enjoys a certain sexual act, does not mean that real-life women will find that okay and many men, especially those with few female friends, don’t understand that.

Step 3: Make Rape Jokes

              While rape is an absolutely inexcusable offense, as long as culture gives lenience towards it, it’s going to happen, no matter how many times people say it’s wrong. That’s why I think on a personal level, women need to take precautions against making themselves targets of rape. It’s like robbery; it’s a social given that breaking into someone’s house and stealing his or her property is wrong, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t lock your door when you leave or when you go to bed for the night, especially if you live an area prone to burglary. College is an area prone to rape; therefore, women need to take extra precautions to maintain their safety. Rapists choose targets, and those targets are usually the easiest people to take advantage of – they’re the girls that are drunk to the point of incoherence, the girls who venture off on their own. Girls should be able to go out and party and drink without the fear of being raped, but that’s not the way the world is unfortunately. Until “rape culture” changes, precautions are necessary to take to ensure personal safety, and many girls don’t take those precautions. That doesn’t mean they’re “asking for it” but they are leaving themselves vulnerable.

Step 4: Obey the Masculinity Cops

This is the section of the film that challenged me as a woman. I, in the past, was guilty of dating “bad guys” in the hopes that maybe they’d change. Even now, my boyfriend has some “bad guy” traits like the ones described in the documentary, but I think a lot of them have to do with the fact that he’s in the military. I’m guilty of being attracted to those “masculine” traits that the documentary attributes with the “bro mentality.” I think the problem with those specific traits though is not the traits themselves, but how men express them. To me, there is nothing wrong with being a strong, protective, confident man – those traits are a plus. The problem is when strong turns into aggressive, protective turns into overbearing and confident turns into arrogant.

The film also talked about men being pressured to hide their emotions, both by men and women; the women aspect is most interesting to me because many women want a “sensitive” guy. I think guys are afraid to show emotion to girls and I think many girls are afraid of seeing male emotion because they don’t know how to handle it because it’s so rare a thing. I think in relationships, it’s important to women to let their boyfriend/husband know that there is no judgment when it comes to expressing emotions and that it’s an okay thing to do. It’s definitely worked in my experience in my current relationship and I think that it’s saved a lot of tension, anger and hurt, especially since our situation could very easily produce those things with his military experience.