Day 118

Today was a rough one, but it also marks the "only four weeks to go" point of my countdown until I see Sam. I haven't gotten very personal in a while and I think there are a few reasons for it. One, there are a lot more pageviews than there were when I started, which is great, but also quite a bit intimidating. Two, I don't want you all to think I'm just using this blog as a diary to whine about myself.  Three, it's stressful thinking about being stressed. But I'm going to try today.

It's been 19 weeks since I've seen Sam. Since then, he has graduated boot camp, turned 20, got his EMT certification and, after this Friday, will be an official Army medic. Since then, I've reached sophomore status, started my job at the middle school, completed an entire term of college, and published my first real article. We missed Valentine's Day. We missed our 6 month anniversary (which I don't think is that big of a deal, but still). Besides missing each other's presence, we've been missing a lot of important things in each other's lives. There was no celebratory dinner when he passed his NREMT. There was no "Let's take the Day Off and Relax" day after my final exams. The most we get to celebrate is "Congrats" and "I'm proud of you"s over Facetime. To me, that's still missing out.

Yes, image, I know that's not me. Thanks, United States Army!

Even before we were dating, we never went this long without seeing each other. Whenever I was having a bad day, he was never more than a phone call and a short drive away but it's not like that anymore. You'd think that us dating would mean spending more time together but out of the past 7 and a half months (the time we've been dating), we've spent probably around 25 days together.

It may seem stupid or pathetic or whatever, but not being with him is wearing on me at this point. The Facetime calls. The "good morning" texts I send every morning. "I'll talk to you soon." Why can't it be having conversations in person and good morning kissed and "I'll SEE you soon"s instead?

This is not to say I'm not willing to wait. I am. I'm 100% committed to waiting however long it takes for us to have a normal relationship. But that doesn't make it easy or keep me from getting frustrated. It's hard seeing someone you love's face on your computer screen and not be able to hug or kiss them. It's hard talking about the future and having it so far away. It's hard having so many worries and knowing they have so many too without being able to work through them together. 

I found this image the same way I find most of the images I share with you all (yes, Imgur again). I worry about a lot of this, probably irrationally for the most part, so I'm going to take this picture's message to heart. At least, I'll try to. A possible deployment doesn't do the whole "No Worries" Campaign any favors. But the effort will be made!